What to say....

Tad and I went to Gerry's "viewing" although I never look. I understand everyone has their way of grieving and trying to finalize death in some way, but for me, looking at the remains just isn's right.

I don't do that. I want to always remember Gerry as he was, a kick ass guy, sweet, childlike, and the man was very hurt by disaproval because he tried so hard and wanted nothing but to please.

I was basically tongue-tied talking to Gerry's wife Karen, it's really hard for me to know what to say. What I should have done was talked about everyday mundane things to try to put her focus on something other than what I know must be complete devastation.

What hurt the most was seeing the look on thier son's face. Louis is an amazing person, so is his sister Kathy. Louis looks so much like his dad, and the horrible look in his eyes just fucked me up. All I could do was hug him. Kathy, I was telling her how much of a character her dad was and that I loved him, and I don't know why it was easier with her than Louis. Maybe it was because Louis was really trying so hard to hold in his grief but I could see everything in his eyes. It was horrible.

I fucking hate unexpected death of a truly GOOD person. I'm not religious and trust me I have solid and valid reasons.

I can't write anymore tonight. Next time it'll be better.

Thank you Gerry, I'll have nothing but the best memories of you.