That is what life is. If you get out and live it. I rarely ever listen to music these days. I have a habit of doing something so much I get to a point that I can't tolerate for it foe a very long while. Must've happened. But now I'm very slowly getting back into it again. VERY slowly.
I just had a few wines and beers, not suppose to do any alcohol as far as latest reports of cancer patients. WTF. I feel good. I feel relaxed. And I enjoyed every damn beer and glass of wine.
I just plugged in Incubus Live At Red Rocks DVD. I love this band. Their music really speaks to me which no other band I can think of does. A Sea Of Humaity was thier audience that night. I wish Tad and I would have been a couple then and had been thete. In the front row..lol! Peeples in the front were being squashed!
Work is going well. Unfortunately new customers weekly, but I'm so happy I'm there and can help these women in some way. It's really good work and I'm happy to be where I am.
I am SO fortunate to be married to my absolutely outstanding husband. He is SO good to and with me. There is no way I could have ever dreamed of such a kick ass partner and love. No way.
No matter what happens, I have it extremely unbelieveable now and now is what counts. It is all that counts.
Hopefully I won't be all hurtin' tomorrow and get out and dig in the yard since it'll be a beautiful weekend!
Thank you Mags for the sweet xmas card..sorry I dint send one, but I will this year! Call me back Jess when you can! Miss you.
Much Love,
Penny
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Howdy!
It's been awhile. About 8 months I think since I've written. I'll back track and fill in.
Our 2 yr anniversary, Oct. 27th, I come home to My Tad making a very romantic dinner of lobster bisque and bruscetta and he gave me lovely flowers and a very sweet card. It was so awesome. I've never had a partner make such a thoughtful effort to show me how much I'm loved. He really worked his ass off and it's one of those memories that I'll take with me when I go feet up :P
I love the shit out of my husband. I'm one lucky woman. I'm lucky in a lot of ways. He always does a hell of a lot to take care of me. I love you My Tad.
Thanksgiving The Sister, Niece, Mom And step-dad Chuck joined us and we cooked our asses off and had a really good time. The kitchen looked like a bomb hit it and Noel, Amanda and Tad cleaned up and did I ever appreciate that. I fkn HATE doing dishes but love a clean kitchen. I can be a slacker, but after all that cooking and being on chemo I was beyond bone tired.
Christmas my Mom-in law Margo and Dirty Harry (Tad's step-dad) came in and we also had my mom and Chuck over to meet them, and we had the kids too and surprised them because we didn't tell them that thier grandma and Harry were going to be with us. It was so awesome to see Margo playing with Laura and seeing Davis for the first time in years. Margo and I took loads of pictures and we all had a blast..another wonderful memory for sure. :)
I love everyone coming to our house for the holidays. They've all done so much for me trying to hold me up and make my life easier when they've been able. I like the idea that I can have everyone I love come to our house and we can have a good time and always have those memories too.
I think very soon there are going to be changes taking place and it's going to be one of the most painful times for all of us. It's very hard to write about and harder to even think about. I love my mother so much. I try not to dwell on what's happening but I know what is most likely going to take place here shortly. Then again she is in her 80's and a smoker so considering, she's been alive for a very long time, and I know I'm damn lucky to still have her in my life.
This week Tad is on his annual fishing/golf/guy trip with his uncles and cousin in Florida. I'm happy that he gets to go every year and have a kick butt time and I love hearing all about it when he comes home.
So this week is my lay around and scratch my butt and eat all the shit I shouldn't week. This Tues. I'm taking mom to Mass nursery and then to the Tea Room for lunch and then take her home because she gets so tired now. She doesn't like to be away from home for very long anyway. She's very frail these days and walks really slow. I constantly have her on my mind now and am very much aware that these times I get to spend with her are waning because her life is winding down. It's really fkn hard.
On a brighter topic..I went shopping too and really shouldn't have done that either! Screw it, I needed more new clothes and I did it relatively cheap. I had a little blow out at The Gap and Macy's last week too, but I've been able to go through my clothes and tear all of the old faded crap that make me feel ugly off the frigging hangers, stuff it all in a bag and donate it to people that need it. I've been wearing dark tops that mostly hide the radiation marks and burns, and now that the radiation is behind me I treated myself to bright shiny happy clothes that make me feel good when I wear them. I guess I've spent about $500.00 in total and have a very nice summer wardrobe now..yay!
I've been dying to take Tad to New Orleans since he's never been and I love it there. I finally made reservations the 2nd week in Nov for 6 nights at a really inexpensive B & B in the Garden Dist. right on Magazine street so FUCKING A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG I'm so excited when I think about it I damn near piss myself. 6 nights for $580.00 breakfast included?? Right on Magazine street?? In one of those gorgeous kick ass old homes??? Unbelievable! Yet it is true Precious!!!!
I invited Amanda to join us if she can since the place sleeps 4. I hope she does, she deserves time away doing something that relaxes her. She has had way too much to deal with for a very long time now and she needs a break in the worst way. I know she is going to be alright but it's going to take time to get to a better place, but I know she'll get there. She is a rare person. She can be somewhat hardcore at times, meaning very black and white, and you always know where you stand with her which is the very best way to be IMO. No bullshit, you get right away where she is and I respect the hell out of that trait. At the same times she is very understanding and can empathize with the worst of situations. She sees the worst of the worst being a nurse up in The Hood, so there isn't a hell of a lot that she hasn't been faced with from patients and their families. I'm very proud of her and love the shit out of her. I couldn't ask for a better sister. She's a hag! :~P
My niece Noel is another amazing kick ass person. She works her ass off, has the best temperament you can ask for, she is just a lovely person all the way around. She is planning to go off to A & M in Corpus soon, has a good guy as a boyfriend there, and is moving on up, and I'm so happy for her. She's going to have a very good life and her evil aunt is going to watch out for her and help support her and try to make things go as smooth as possible because sometimes life is bitch-ass hard.
My hair is growing back finally and it's almost an inch long now. The inside of my nose kept feeling funny like there were boogers up in it but what it is is NOSE HAIR growing back and I'm fkn excited about it and how gross is that?! Heh...I trimmed it too. I won't talk about the pubes and how there were three longs ones that I could have braided but I cut them off too.
I read the best book a little while back. It's one my sister read and she said it was a really good book, it's called Wesley The Owl; A Tale about an Owl and His Girl and it was amazing but very sad at times. Losing a beautiful critter is a price we all have to pay when we choose animals to be our babies and it's very very heartbreaking. She took Wesley on as a project to study the habits of a barn owl, his little wing had nerve damage when he fell out of a nest and couldn't be rehabilitated, and the author was a scientist at CalTech. It's a very interesting book and it only took me probably about 6 hrs total to read it, large easy to read print and a few hundred pages so it's not a large book.
After my shopping spree I also swung my ass over to Half Price Books and bought sTORI Telling (I know, cheesy but what the hell), A bio on Hepburn and Tracy 'An Affair To Remember', 'The Last Playboy' bio on Porfiro Rubirosa which should be really dirty, he seemed like such a fucker, 'My Life With Chaplin' by Lita Grey Chaplin should be another scorcher, and 'Remebering Princess Grace' by Life magazine..lots of pics and some previously unpublished..she was so beautiful.
So I've shopped, stocked up with books, inhaled 3 pieces of Popeye's chicken so far, caught up somewhat here on my bloggin', have the cats all fkn over me squalling because their daddy is gone, and am staring the new week on a very fun note, so good for me.
Later :)
Our 2 yr anniversary, Oct. 27th, I come home to My Tad making a very romantic dinner of lobster bisque and bruscetta and he gave me lovely flowers and a very sweet card. It was so awesome. I've never had a partner make such a thoughtful effort to show me how much I'm loved. He really worked his ass off and it's one of those memories that I'll take with me when I go feet up :P
I love the shit out of my husband. I'm one lucky woman. I'm lucky in a lot of ways. He always does a hell of a lot to take care of me. I love you My Tad.
Thanksgiving The Sister, Niece, Mom And step-dad Chuck joined us and we cooked our asses off and had a really good time. The kitchen looked like a bomb hit it and Noel, Amanda and Tad cleaned up and did I ever appreciate that. I fkn HATE doing dishes but love a clean kitchen. I can be a slacker, but after all that cooking and being on chemo I was beyond bone tired.
Christmas my Mom-in law Margo and Dirty Harry (Tad's step-dad) came in and we also had my mom and Chuck over to meet them, and we had the kids too and surprised them because we didn't tell them that thier grandma and Harry were going to be with us. It was so awesome to see Margo playing with Laura and seeing Davis for the first time in years. Margo and I took loads of pictures and we all had a blast..another wonderful memory for sure. :)
I love everyone coming to our house for the holidays. They've all done so much for me trying to hold me up and make my life easier when they've been able. I like the idea that I can have everyone I love come to our house and we can have a good time and always have those memories too.
I think very soon there are going to be changes taking place and it's going to be one of the most painful times for all of us. It's very hard to write about and harder to even think about. I love my mother so much. I try not to dwell on what's happening but I know what is most likely going to take place here shortly. Then again she is in her 80's and a smoker so considering, she's been alive for a very long time, and I know I'm damn lucky to still have her in my life.
This week Tad is on his annual fishing/golf/guy trip with his uncles and cousin in Florida. I'm happy that he gets to go every year and have a kick butt time and I love hearing all about it when he comes home.
So this week is my lay around and scratch my butt and eat all the shit I shouldn't week. This Tues. I'm taking mom to Mass nursery and then to the Tea Room for lunch and then take her home because she gets so tired now. She doesn't like to be away from home for very long anyway. She's very frail these days and walks really slow. I constantly have her on my mind now and am very much aware that these times I get to spend with her are waning because her life is winding down. It's really fkn hard.
On a brighter topic..I went shopping too and really shouldn't have done that either! Screw it, I needed more new clothes and I did it relatively cheap. I had a little blow out at The Gap and Macy's last week too, but I've been able to go through my clothes and tear all of the old faded crap that make me feel ugly off the frigging hangers, stuff it all in a bag and donate it to people that need it. I've been wearing dark tops that mostly hide the radiation marks and burns, and now that the radiation is behind me I treated myself to bright shiny happy clothes that make me feel good when I wear them. I guess I've spent about $500.00 in total and have a very nice summer wardrobe now..yay!
I've been dying to take Tad to New Orleans since he's never been and I love it there. I finally made reservations the 2nd week in Nov for 6 nights at a really inexpensive B & B in the Garden Dist. right on Magazine street so FUCKING A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG I'm so excited when I think about it I damn near piss myself. 6 nights for $580.00 breakfast included?? Right on Magazine street?? In one of those gorgeous kick ass old homes??? Unbelievable! Yet it is true Precious!!!!
I invited Amanda to join us if she can since the place sleeps 4. I hope she does, she deserves time away doing something that relaxes her. She has had way too much to deal with for a very long time now and she needs a break in the worst way. I know she is going to be alright but it's going to take time to get to a better place, but I know she'll get there. She is a rare person. She can be somewhat hardcore at times, meaning very black and white, and you always know where you stand with her which is the very best way to be IMO. No bullshit, you get right away where she is and I respect the hell out of that trait. At the same times she is very understanding and can empathize with the worst of situations. She sees the worst of the worst being a nurse up in The Hood, so there isn't a hell of a lot that she hasn't been faced with from patients and their families. I'm very proud of her and love the shit out of her. I couldn't ask for a better sister. She's a hag! :~P
My niece Noel is another amazing kick ass person. She works her ass off, has the best temperament you can ask for, she is just a lovely person all the way around. She is planning to go off to A & M in Corpus soon, has a good guy as a boyfriend there, and is moving on up, and I'm so happy for her. She's going to have a very good life and her evil aunt is going to watch out for her and help support her and try to make things go as smooth as possible because sometimes life is bitch-ass hard.
My hair is growing back finally and it's almost an inch long now. The inside of my nose kept feeling funny like there were boogers up in it but what it is is NOSE HAIR growing back and I'm fkn excited about it and how gross is that?! Heh...I trimmed it too. I won't talk about the pubes and how there were three longs ones that I could have braided but I cut them off too.
I read the best book a little while back. It's one my sister read and she said it was a really good book, it's called Wesley The Owl; A Tale about an Owl and His Girl and it was amazing but very sad at times. Losing a beautiful critter is a price we all have to pay when we choose animals to be our babies and it's very very heartbreaking. She took Wesley on as a project to study the habits of a barn owl, his little wing had nerve damage when he fell out of a nest and couldn't be rehabilitated, and the author was a scientist at CalTech. It's a very interesting book and it only took me probably about 6 hrs total to read it, large easy to read print and a few hundred pages so it's not a large book.
After my shopping spree I also swung my ass over to Half Price Books and bought sTORI Telling (I know, cheesy but what the hell), A bio on Hepburn and Tracy 'An Affair To Remember', 'The Last Playboy' bio on Porfiro Rubirosa which should be really dirty, he seemed like such a fucker, 'My Life With Chaplin' by Lita Grey Chaplin should be another scorcher, and 'Remebering Princess Grace' by Life magazine..lots of pics and some previously unpublished..she was so beautiful.
So I've shopped, stocked up with books, inhaled 3 pieces of Popeye's chicken so far, caught up somewhat here on my bloggin', have the cats all fkn over me squalling because their daddy is gone, and am staring the new week on a very fun note, so good for me.
Later :)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
OMFG!
Where did this come from???
My apothecary must have sprung out a chile while I wasn't looking!
Tad is going to KILL me. At least the jar was only $14.00 at Target :P
My apothecary must have sprung out a chile while I wasn't looking!
Tad is going to KILL me. At least the jar was only $14.00 at Target :P
It's All Good
First off...thank you Maggie! The card cracked me up and that's always a Good Thing.
Secondly it IS all good because I'm not dead, terminal or even feeling sickly. I have a kick ass life AND husband AND family and friends that I know I'm damn fortunate to have.
My next round of The Juice is this friday and then 1 more after that for in early November (then the next 3 month series begins early Dec.) so I should be great for Thanksgiving. I hope the BIL comes with my sister and niece this time. I think it might help him feel a little better, for a time anyway, and maybe he and Tad can go hit a few golf balls if they stay long enough and the weather cooperates. They gave us a place to stay when we had to evacuate and I hope we can give a little back during the holidays because I know for a fact the holidays won't be the same again for them now that JP is gone.
I think when a person has experienced such a huge loss and especially an unexpected death of a child, their life changes forever. I can't imagine how people can find the strength to go on after the loss of a child or parent or any loved one, but particularly your child.
On to more pleasant topics. I'll put our Halloweenie pics, a wig pic and my new finished project an apothecary jar terrarium (another idea I stole from my sister). I think I'm going through an apothecary jar terrarium jag I LOVES THEM! I may run to Target or Pier One today and try to find another good sized jar since I have all the ingredients left over but the container and a coupla small plants.
Whelp that's about IT for all the news worth repeating :P
Thanks for reading!
Secondly it IS all good because I'm not dead, terminal or even feeling sickly. I have a kick ass life AND husband AND family and friends that I know I'm damn fortunate to have.
My next round of The Juice is this friday and then 1 more after that for in early November (then the next 3 month series begins early Dec.) so I should be great for Thanksgiving. I hope the BIL comes with my sister and niece this time. I think it might help him feel a little better, for a time anyway, and maybe he and Tad can go hit a few golf balls if they stay long enough and the weather cooperates. They gave us a place to stay when we had to evacuate and I hope we can give a little back during the holidays because I know for a fact the holidays won't be the same again for them now that JP is gone.
I think when a person has experienced such a huge loss and especially an unexpected death of a child, their life changes forever. I can't imagine how people can find the strength to go on after the loss of a child or parent or any loved one, but particularly your child.
On to more pleasant topics. I'll put our Halloweenie pics, a wig pic and my new finished project an apothecary jar terrarium (another idea I stole from my sister). I think I'm going through an apothecary jar terrarium jag I LOVES THEM! I may run to Target or Pier One today and try to find another good sized jar since I have all the ingredients left over but the container and a coupla small plants.
Whelp that's about IT for all the news worth repeating :P
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I can not WAIT for this POS year to be over
And I hope to fkn hell 2009 is an improvement. This year has been one of the worst, very hard on just about everyone in my family. Except for my idiot brother.
My sister's step-son JP just died of a massive stroke. I think he was in his late 30's. He left 2 little girls and a wife.
My BIL Larry was an only child. His father left him and his mother and then joined the service, was in WWII and came back messed up. He was found floating in a ravine, then his mother commited suicide. My BIL was I think 12 at the time and saw his mother right after, then went to live with his grandparents. Larry doesn't know of any aunts or uncles, just has my sister, his 2 kids from a previous marriage, JP and Debbie, and my neice Noel.
My sister is so overwrought that she doesn't want to speak with our mom because she doesn't want mom to hear her crying, so she calls every so often to talk to our step-father Chuck and let him know what's happening. She doen't want to talk with me right now either. I think right now she is doing all she can to hold it together. It's been a hard few years for her and I think this is one thing too much and it's unbearable. I can understand that.
I'll post more later on.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
How Lucky Are We?
Tad and I plus ALL of my folks are damn lucky. No major home damage. Just a few shingles off the roof and the fence is down, but we needed a new one anyway, not that we need the fkn expense!
We evacuated to my sister's and BIL's and boy was that sumpin'! Their house is gorgeous and the sister broke out a shit-ton of Halloweenie's and did lot's of decoratin' and I loved it. It was great seeing all of them and Tad finally meeting the BIL. I think he didn't believe there was one and that it was a figment.
We came home and my mom and step father's power was still out so they came and stayed with us for a week. I am so happy we were able to take care of them for a change, and tried to keep them on their routine as much as possible. I loved having them here. I know I'll remember these times in the future when they're gone.
As for me the 2nd chemo party went well this pat friday. No sickness....yay! PLUS the good ole Doc gave me ambien to sleep and that shit knocks me out for almost 8 hrs. It is miraculous! He says it's not habit forming but we'll see.
Tad worked his ass off cleaning up the yard and the neighbor behind us cut up all of our downed fence and stacked it on the curb, so now I'll have to stop bitching about his gunning his loud ass motorcycle in his driveway at 7:30a and then riding the thing almost every damn hour. It really was very very considerate of him and I'm going to have them over for dinner in a few weeks for a Thank You.
He and Tad are planning on rebuilding the fence soon. Just as soon as the HOA sends us a nasty letter I'm sure!
I put out a few Halloweenies and bought a few more so I may now have TWO boxes full of scaries! Watch out Jess...I'm gaining on you! *laugh* :P
We evacuated to my sister's and BIL's and boy was that sumpin'! Their house is gorgeous and the sister broke out a shit-ton of Halloweenie's and did lot's of decoratin' and I loved it. It was great seeing all of them and Tad finally meeting the BIL. I think he didn't believe there was one and that it was a figment.
We came home and my mom and step father's power was still out so they came and stayed with us for a week. I am so happy we were able to take care of them for a change, and tried to keep them on their routine as much as possible. I loved having them here. I know I'll remember these times in the future when they're gone.
As for me the 2nd chemo party went well this pat friday. No sickness....yay! PLUS the good ole Doc gave me ambien to sleep and that shit knocks me out for almost 8 hrs. It is miraculous! He says it's not habit forming but we'll see.
Tad worked his ass off cleaning up the yard and the neighbor behind us cut up all of our downed fence and stacked it on the curb, so now I'll have to stop bitching about his gunning his loud ass motorcycle in his driveway at 7:30a and then riding the thing almost every damn hour. It really was very very considerate of him and I'm going to have them over for dinner in a few weeks for a Thank You.
He and Tad are planning on rebuilding the fence soon. Just as soon as the HOA sends us a nasty letter I'm sure!
I put out a few Halloweenies and bought a few more so I may now have TWO boxes full of scaries! Watch out Jess...I'm gaining on you! *laugh* :P
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
TITTIES!
I now have TWO bodacious bras and TWO silicone boobs..HOTT DAMN! Gawd help me I did buy another wig but it is so kick ass I just couldn't help myself *cry*
Those rubber tits really do the job. A person would have to get way too close to my junk to spot a difference and if someone besides the husband or the doc gets THAT close expect to draw back a bloody stump. These bitches even feel exactly like my remaining tittay. It is amazing.
Second Silhouette is in need of a fitter so I'm filling out the application. It'll be a little work here and there so a bit of monies plus I'll know first hand what some of the ladies needing prosthetic breasts and wigs are going through. It'll be a way that I can help and that's a good thing.
My wonderful husband who has been so patient and supportive with this fkn mess took us out on Labor Day to Garden Ridge and bought almost a whole basket of Halloweenies!!!!! I immediately put them on display.
After sniveling about Jess having EIGHT BOXES of Halloweenies and me with my pitiful one bag I think Tad felt a bit sorry for me so now I can buy one of those big plastic storage boxes and have ONE box at least! No way can I keep up with Mrs. Boyd. She done got wayyyyy ahead of this gurrrl! We will have to buy resin tombstones though. The styrofoam ones are crap.
My 1st chemo party is this Fri at 9:40a and oh I am SO fkn excited about THAT *sarcasm*. At least it'll be one treatment down and then I have the bald head to look forward to and I'm sure THAT will be a fkn trill!! Good thing I has LOTS of hair ready. Blech. I'd best stop whining at least I'm not terminal. It could have been crotch cancer and ruined my down-there junk. No matter, it can ALWAYS be worse so Ac Cen Tu Ate the positive just like Ol' Johnny Mercer's song.
Those rubber tits really do the job. A person would have to get way too close to my junk to spot a difference and if someone besides the husband or the doc gets THAT close expect to draw back a bloody stump. These bitches even feel exactly like my remaining tittay. It is amazing.
Second Silhouette is in need of a fitter so I'm filling out the application. It'll be a little work here and there so a bit of monies plus I'll know first hand what some of the ladies needing prosthetic breasts and wigs are going through. It'll be a way that I can help and that's a good thing.
My wonderful husband who has been so patient and supportive with this fkn mess took us out on Labor Day to Garden Ridge and bought almost a whole basket of Halloweenies!!!!! I immediately put them on display.
After sniveling about Jess having EIGHT BOXES of Halloweenies and me with my pitiful one bag I think Tad felt a bit sorry for me so now I can buy one of those big plastic storage boxes and have ONE box at least! No way can I keep up with Mrs. Boyd. She done got wayyyyy ahead of this gurrrl! We will have to buy resin tombstones though. The styrofoam ones are crap.
My 1st chemo party is this Fri at 9:40a and oh I am SO fkn excited about THAT *sarcasm*. At least it'll be one treatment down and then I have the bald head to look forward to and I'm sure THAT will be a fkn trill!! Good thing I has LOTS of hair ready. Blech. I'd best stop whining at least I'm not terminal. It could have been crotch cancer and ruined my down-there junk. No matter, it can ALWAYS be worse so Ac Cen Tu Ate the positive just like Ol' Johnny Mercer's song.
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